Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Ever Have One of Those Dreams???

Have you ever had one of those dreams that grips you on such an emotional level that you wake up gasping, hyperventilating, shaking, or crying?  And as soon as your rational mind takes control, you realize your dream was so utterly silly that it makes you sort of giggle?  Yet the giggle is hollow...because as silly as the dream was, it still causes your heart to race and your muscles to tense up just thinking about it but you don't know why??

Yeah.  Me neither.

Last night, I tossed and turned from 4am to 6am, fighting what felt like the worst nightmare of my life....  Mr. Possibility was marrying a pregnant Kourtney Kardashian after only knowing her for 4 short days! (You know how those bitches roll...quick as hell to the alter.)  He was going to marry a Kardashian two and a half painfully short months after I offered my heart on a platter and it was turned away.  In part of my dream, he was even wearing a matching suit and fedora with Mason, carrying him around like a proud father already.  In my dream, I simply smiled, wished him luck, and walked to a private area to absolutely sob. Gut wrenching sobs.

I woke up hyperventilating in a real-life panic attack.

I was real life panicing over Mr. Possibility and Mason Kardashian-Disick wearing matching fedoras!!

WHA???  [Insert laugh track here.]

It is so stupid.  So incredibly unrealistic.  And yet my chest is tight even writing about this.

They say that our dreams are thought fragments that our brain processes and excretes, like your brain's bowel movement.  They often hold no meaning.  However, this dream clearly struck a cord in me at a deeply unconscious, emotional core.

Apparently, I needed some silly dream to remind me that it sucks to always be the last girl that the men I date are with before they find their wives.  And now, even worse, what if everyone who I want to be with doesn't want to be with me because I am not sure that I want to have kids.
(ed note: yep, just figured out the meaning of my dream...as I wrote that last sentence I accidentally broke out sobbing.  Apparently my new worst fear is not just that I am unloveable, but also that my lack of maternal instinct is what will continue to make me unloveable.  Ouch.)


SO yeah... those kinds of dreams are weird, huh?


7 comments:

  1. Oh my goodness. You are so young. Wait a few decades before you panic. Mr. Possibility is Mr. Poophead if he turned you down - he's just not the right guy.

    You're gonna meet Mr. Definitely before you know it and there will be no heartache. Hold on.

    I hate those dreams. But I think because they are in images because as soon as we start putting language to them either ourselves or other people can see what they really mean.

    It's just a horrible fear of being inconsequential. But in the large scale of things, you will forget him too.

    (I'm just guessing) Shake it off :)

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  2. Thank you, love!  Insecurities are so silly...I wish I figured out how to immunize myself so that new ones didn't keep cropping up! 

    I feel like Mr. Definitely is around the corner...

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  3. This cracked me up. I had a dream about Lil' Wayne yesterday night so it must have just been dream about a celebrity day. But I don't think you should be scared of not being maternal or unlovable! When the perfect guy comes along he won't think that (or so I've heard.)  

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  4. Please tell me what Lil Wayne was doing! I imagine it was awesome! :)

    I think you are right...I mean, I hope you are right about all of that!!! 

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  5. Oh shit. I have the opposite fear.....I'm 37, single, and hope for a child. I'm sort of getting paranoid that the timeline scares off a date or two or eight. I don't wear a sign stating all of this but if the subject come up, I voice my plan to have a bay-bay at some point within the next few years....super hot on a first date, I'm sure.

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  6. Hey
    I have had very similar fears too at one point or the other because of certain incidents in my life (read H-E-A-R-T-B-R-E-A-K) . However, Im sure you will find the right guy who respects you and your decisions. Not that I have but im sure u will.
    I love your blog
    Ypu've got yourself a follower!!!!

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  7. Definitely didn't have that near-to-exact dream last night as a matter of fact. Nope. Not me

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