Have you ever had one of those dreams that grips you on such an emotional level that you wake up gasping, hyperventilating, shaking, or crying? And as soon as your rational mind takes control, you realize your dream was so utterly silly that it makes you sort of giggle? Yet the giggle is hollow...because as silly as the dream was, it still causes your heart to race and your muscles to tense up just thinking about it but you don't know why??
Yeah. Me neither.
Last night, I tossed and turned from 4am to 6am, fighting what felt like the worst nightmare of my life.... Mr. Possibility was marrying a pregnant Kourtney Kardashian after only knowing her for 4 short days! (You know how those bitches roll...quick as hell to the alter.) He was going to marry a Kardashian two and a half painfully short months after I offered my heart on a platter and it was turned away. In part of my dream, he was even wearing a matching suit and fedora with Mason, carrying him around like a proud father already. In my dream, I simply smiled, wished him luck, and walked to a private area to absolutely sob. Gut wrenching sobs.
I woke up hyperventilating in a real-life panic attack.
I was real life panicing over Mr. Possibility and Mason Kardashian-Disick wearing matching fedoras!!
WHA??? [Insert laugh track here.]
It is so stupid. So incredibly unrealistic. And yet my chest is tight even writing about this.
They say that our dreams are thought fragments that our brain processes and excretes, like your brain's bowel movement. They often hold no meaning. However, this dream clearly struck a cord in me at a deeply unconscious, emotional core.
Apparently, I needed some silly dream to remind me that it sucks to always be the last girl that the men I date are with before they find their wives. And now, even worse, what if everyone who I want to be with doesn't want to be with me because I am not sure that I want to have kids.
(ed note: yep, just figured out the meaning of my dream...as I wrote that last sentence I accidentally broke out sobbing. Apparently my new worst fear is not just that I am unloveable, but also that my lack of maternal instinct is what will continue to make me unloveable. Ouch.)
SO yeah... those kinds of dreams are weird, huh?