Friday, February 3, 2012

Punxsutawney Phil Can Suck It

It is official...global warming has fried Punxsutawney Phil's circuits.  That silly groundhog came out of hiding yesterday (probably wearing a Hawaiian shirt and carrying sunblock) to tell us all that winter will last for 6 more weeks. Really Phil?!  Have you BEEN OUTSIDE LATELY?

I have news for Phil... Winter basically ended last week here in Cincinnati.  It has been almost 60 degrees every single day and the forecast through next week is calling for highs in the 50s each day.  It is basically spring already!

Don't get me wrong, I am fully aware that the consequences of this faux spring may result in some type of nuclear winter in May...but for now, color me and Bitchy Little Rat Dog happy! (That bitch hates the snow...it's usually taller than her, which makes squatting difficult)  The warmer weather and brighter sun has done wonders for my mood.  I am no longer hibernating in a fluffy blanket nest.  I am taking BLRD on more walks.  I am actually going on dates!  It has renewed me!

Therefore, it has been decided that BLRD is applying for the job as Head Punxsutawney Weather Bitch.  If elected, we promise the following changes to Groundhog's Day:
- Bill Murray and Andie MacDowell will attend EVERY year until the end of time...no exceptions.
- The Emcee will not be the only one in a tuxedo, BLRD will wear a Tuxedo T-Shirt to show her respect, as well.
- Even if the sun is shining brightly, BLRD promises to consult the national weather department before making any "shadow claims."
- Gobblers Knob (yes, the location of Punxsutawney Phil's comings and goings is actually called Gobbler's Knob) will host a huge party after the "shadow report" including champagne, cake, cake flavored vodka, vegan queso, and whatever else I am obsessed with that year....but access will only be granted to people who dress like this guy:
Happy Faux Spring Everyone!  See you next winter! (a.k.a. in 2 weeks...probably just in time to snow me in on Valentine's Day...)

1 comment:

  1. its all such a crock! I am convinced we are going to get a disgusting snowstorm in the middle of may

    ReplyDelete

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