Monday, April 2, 2012

Betty Draper is Fat... and other #Singlewhitegirlproblems

This past weekend was wonderfully eventful.  I spent the weekend in Nashville with ten of my sorority pledge sisters, came home to host a vegan cookout with Mr. Gaymess, and then the HauteMess Crew welcoming our newest member...BabyMess!

However, all of these fabulous, life changing events didn't stop us from joking and making fun of each other at every turn - mostly in the form of "#FirstWorldProblems" and "#Singlewhitegirlproblems."

Weekend Highlights: 

Mrs. GingerMess recapping her Hawaiian vacation:
GingerMess: "We went snorkeling in Hawaii, and it was really disappointing.  We only saw like three kinds of fish.  We saw dolphins, but we didn't even get to swim with them."
My reply: "Yeah...sounds really tough. #First World Problems"

My text message describing the type of men we met at the Nashville Honkytonks:
"A man who goes by 'Shackle' just approached our table and asked what kind of shot we wanted...We let him choose. Just had my first 'fireball.'" #singlewhitegirlproblems

Mr. GayMess assessing the look of leftover vegan kielbasa and vegan cole slaw:
GayMess: "Well, it tasted good, but the leftovers sure look funny.  It looks like a turd."
My reply: "Like a turn in a manger." #veganproblems



As Madame MarriedMess went into labor last night, the following group text conversation happened:

MarriedMess: "So much for going late. Looks like this baby is coming!
BlondeMess: "Oh my gosh!!!! Wait, is this an April Fool's Joke?"
MarriedMess: "If it is, it's the most painful April Fool's joke ever!"
CalienteMess: "Dude, don't worry. I dvr'd Game of Thrones."
MarriedMess: "Thanks! What I need is for the nurse to stop telling me 'this is pain with a purpose.' Fuck off!"
BlondeMess: "Tell that bitch to take it somewhere else."
ME: "Praying for a fast, easy, normal delivery! And praying that nurse bitch quits quoting successories posters."
CalienteMess: "Shouldn't [the nurse] be bottling placenta pills somewhere?"
ME: "I would eat that placenta if it made me look like January Jones."
MarriedMess: "Now I may puke."
CalienteMess: "Shit on her. Literally. Shit on her" (referring to January Jones)
MarriedMess: "No wonder January Jones is single. Bitch is a cannibal."
BlondeMess: "Ummm, are you watching Mad Men?  She looks awful."
ME: "That's a fat suit! I hope..."

So even while celebrating the miracle of new life - we managed to bring up BOTH January Jone's gross placenta pills AND how fat Better Draper looks....priorities. #Not RealProblems


Congrats to NewMommyMess and her beautiful, perfect baby boy! (who looks just like mommy and is already copying her best dance moves!) But srrriously, don't eat your placenta! ;)

3 comments:

  1. cool names and a funny post. : )

    ReplyDelete
  2. I haven't seen Sundays episode yet but now I can't wait...and OMG that group conversation is hilarious! 

    ReplyDelete
  3. It looks like a turd!  I cracked up...because well, it kinda does.  =)

    ReplyDelete

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