Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Dear Ex Boyfriends...

This past weekend, an old mistake of mine contacted me at 2:30am on Friday night from a new number....that's what the kids call a "booty call," I believe.  His audacity infuriated me...yet I know how this game works all too well. He texts me, I reply back asking him to lose my number, he replies back with something charming and apologetic and BAM - he thinks he's back in.  I already know that it is best not to engage the beast.  So, I added his number to my growing list of Parental Control Blocked numbers on my phone and decided to write what I wish I could say to him for the blog's eyes only:
Dear Ex (asshole) Boyfriend- 
Please stop contacting me. You will never love me enough to deserve me, and I will never hate myself enough to let you prove that again.
- Mlle. HM 
Writing the letter was exhilarating...for someone whose natural tendencies on the "Fight or Flight" spectrum err of the side of "run as fast as you fucking can," I found this exercise to be cathartic. There are so many things that have gone unsaid with some of the past characters in my life.

I was inspired.  So I decided to write a few more "texts" to the former and future men of my life...
Dear Guy I Believed Was "The One"- 
Even after we broke up, when you went through hell- I was there to listen. When you celebrated, I said congratulations. But recently, when I went through hell and needed support and friendship? Crickets.
It took me too long to realize this, but I finally did. You always made me feel totally alone- even when we were together.
Thanks for letting me finally let you go.
Sincerely, Mlle. HM 
[Thanks Gotye for the lyrical inspiration there]

Dear Guy I Thought I Wanted To Be "The One"- 
Thank you for moving on first - your choice in women quickly made me realize all the reasons you were never the one.
Cordially, Mlle. HM 
And finally....with hope....
Dear Future Husband- 
Thank you for being worth the wait.  And thanks for Naked Sundays ... I always wanted to do that. ;)
Always Yours, Mlle. HM

12 comments:

  1. I write these "Dear John, get gone..." letters all the time.  They're great therapy.  Great post! :)

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  2. That first one is the most perfect thing ever to say!  I'm memorizing it!

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  3. GertrudeHopsingerMay 30, 2012 at 10:20 AM

    I loved them all, especially the last one. Here's to your FH and for many naked Sundays to come. :)

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  4. Naked Sundays...wonder if my hubby would like that (provided the kid were elsewhere)? :-P

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  5. I love that - I have never heard it called "Dear John, get gone" but I absolutely love it! :) Maybe you can share your best ones here?

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  6. Thanks - I so wanted to text it to him...but posting it here was way better. 

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  7. Hear, hear! I could write a whole post to my future husband about all the awesomeness and awfulness he should be prepared for.

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  8. Hehe! Sounds like an adult vacation activity ... send the kids to grandma's house for naked Sunday!

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  9. Thanks, love!

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