It has been way too long since I have properly celebrated a holiday, and from what I hear, the traditional holidays this year will be pretty tough without my dad. So, I decided to celebrate July 4th and Jorstock as if they were my personal Christmas and New Year's holiday season this year.
I chose these two holidays because they are only 1.5 weeks apart, and they are a natural fit with each other. Is it even possible to celebrate freedom without celebrating the right to cut your jeans off into amazing, amazing jorts? (remember the awesomeness that was Jortstock IV: Thighs The Limit) So, I present you with:
A HauteMess How-To: July Fourth Holiday Wreath and Star-Spangled Jorts
The July 4th Holiday Wreath
I found this cute wreath on Pinterest, but when I clicked on the link for the "How-to," it led to a dead end citing that users reported the pin as SPAM. Not to be deterred, I assumed that I could figure it out on my own. (as most people who aren't currently drunk or high could have also done.)
So I will keep this brief...
- Styrofoam Wreath (I chose the green kind here because it was cheaper at Michael's...but it was harder to work with than the white...so go with white. Like this one here)
- American Flag Toothpicks (I purchased 500 of them here, but for my 12" wreath, I only needed 250-300)
- A Thimble and/or Scissors (your fingers will thank me)
Start sticking toothpicks into the wreath at all angles & directions. Continue until the styrofoam is fully covered.
Hint #1: I chose a less organized pattern for my wreath than the pinterest photo, so I focused on inserting the toothpicks at angles that allowed the flag to lay almost flat against the foam. My wreath took about 275ish toothpicks....and my fingers hurt too much to try to squeeze more in. Which brings us to...Step 2:
Hint #2: Shoving that many toothpicks into a hard styrofoam wreath can wreak havoc on your fingers (sharp points come free with every toothpick), so I think a thimble will help make this task less painful. If you don't have a thimble (I def did not), then use scissors to cut the toothpicks in half was also helpful because it made it a lot easier to insert. On a nerdier note, I think that is because increasing the surface area of the initial entry point (by cutting off the pointy part) made it easier to insert because once you got the stick in, it didn't need to keep expanding the hole. (that's what she said)
Hang on your door....
Star Spangled Jorts
|If loving jorts is wrong, I don't want|
to be right...
Note: I actually made two pairs of Jorts during this process. All jeans were $1.99 at my local Goodwill, so I scooped up two pairs of jeans. I LOVED my Levi's way too much to paint. (I fully expect to start wearing these as often as my favorite "never-nude," Tobias Fünke)
Also, I don't want to plagiarize the decorating how-to that I used, so I am going to just give you the link to the step by step how-to for the painted stars & stripes. I really only looked at the list of supplies and a couple pictures before going on my own... So think of this as a Jort Tutorial with a link to painting on stars & stripes!
- Jeans: I went to Goodwill and hit up the Men's section. Men's jeans tend to be roomier in the legs and don't contain stretch. The stretchy jeans don't fray as well in the wash so you have to do more by hand. Levi's are a great option if you can find them. (see my new faves above)
- Your favorite pair of shorts (length-wise)
- A highlighter marker
- Fabric Spray Paint
- Star Stencil (I have also seen people use star stamps, some even made from potatoes)
- Sponge brush
- Painters Tape
Step 2 & 3:Use a highlighter to mark the best length all the way across the front only, just slightly below your favorite shorts. (Notice: your favorite shorts are likely cut at an angle, not straight across...another reason this is more fool proof)
Now, cut right above the highlighted line on the front. For the back side, you want to cut approximately 1" long than the front. (Especially if you have junk in that trunk...)
Using your tweezers, start pulling the white threads out and across to one side. The more you pull out, the more frayed edge you will have. This gives your fray a great start - the washing machine can do the rest. So wash your jeans, without using any fabric softener, before moving on to step 5.
Using the painter's tape, paint, sponge brush, and stencil - you can create the All-American look below. The detailed instructions are here. And VOILA! You are ready to sing "And I'm Proud To Be An American, Where At Least I Know I'm Free..." with the best of 'em.