Monday, July 9, 2012

Hautemess Pearls of Wisdom: Part Deux


I still regularly dispense random, unsolicited pearls of wisdom to innocent bystanders.  Afterwards, people still look at me quizzically before walking away.  I realized that, perhaps, instead of telling half the bar that I am still sweating from all the effort it took to pull my Spanx up – maybe I should just share these totally random, somewhat stream of consciousness bits of advice with the blogosphere. So…you’re welcome, I guess.

Summer Survival and "Dry Spell" Survival Pearls of Wisdom


  • Afraid of getting roofied? Yeah, me too!  That's how I stumbled up new drinking strategy... SHOTS!  If you take shots directly from the bartender, you don't have to worry about watching your drink all night or fearing that it was tampered with while you were looking at your phone or hugging your friends. And if this sounds counter-intuitive, just remember that you don't have to take A LOT of shots.... Just enough.
  • Tired of beer bloat at the end of the night? Take shots. (can you tell that "Sorry For Partying July" is in full force?)  It's simple math: Less booze volume in your belly = less protrusion at 2am. (side benefit: without a drink in your hands, you are more free to dance those calories off!)

  • Have you ever noticed that certain scents can trigger some vivid memories?  One of the little things I miss about having a boyfriend is the delicious reminder left on my shirts and pillows.  Since I am unofficially becoming a nun (dry-spell like whoa!), I sometimes like to wear a spritz of Aqua Di Gio AND a spritz of my own perfume. The key is the commingled scents! They not so subtly remind me of a good makeout sesh with maximum skin on skin transfer of cologne.

  • And for realz, with all the summertime patio drinking in 100-degree weather, coconut water will change your life.  Just do it.


  • 1 comment:

    1. I loved this entry . . . especially the genius scent mixing philosophy.  (From one freekin' nun to another.)  Shiiiiit.

      ReplyDelete

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