In this new segment, I shall provide you answers to questions that you never asked. Questions may either be fabricated in my own head OR something I heard someone else say.
Q. If you are arrested while wearing "black face" - what do the police do for your mugshot?
A. According to Captain Inappropriate's friend who is a police officer, mugshots are taken pretty much "as is." So if you are wearing face paint of any sort (black face, clown makeup, Juggalo paint) - that will be photographed and saved as a matter of public record. SO...keep that in mind next Halloween, I suppose.
Q. Why do you clean before your cleaning lady shows up?
A. I pay her for approx 2 hours of work....so I want her to focus on the shit that I would NEVER do. (as evidenced by the 3 years I lived here without ever cleaning my shower) SO I pick up clothes, put away dishes, and do the other things I am willing to do so that she feels obligated to spend her time cleaning my toilet and scrubbing dog fur off my baseboards.
A. Really well. This past weekend, I hooked up with a dude shortly after he made the following comment, "The only thing I love more than skiing is sailing." Whitest.Comment.Ever. The next morning he also said, "I want to go sailing but don't have anyone to go with. My boat is too big to sail alone." My reply?? "#richpeopleproblems"