Friday, August 17, 2012

Happy HauteMess Friday!

It has been a while since I have had a "HauteMess Friday" Post...but Bad Decision August has been relatively fruitful.  All of the HauteMess stories below come from just one night this week.  I like to think of this as my very own "If You Give A Mouse A Cookie" story...or more accurately, "If You Give A HauteMess a Glass of Red Wine."

You Might Be A HauteMess If...

You forget to eat dinner, but remember to finish an entire bottle of wine... on a Tuesday night....by yourself.  (in my defense, it was DELICIOUS wine)

You Might Be A HauteMess If...

After said incident above, you decide it is a good time to trim your cuticles. (which resulted in at least three fingers spurting blood)


You Might Be A HauteMess If...

You are too lazy to go up one flight of stairs for proper first aid, so you use toilet paper as a makeshift tourniquet, hoping to stop the bleeding long enough to open another bottle of wine. 


You Might Be A HauteMess If...

After you are finished playing "Doctor" with your roll of toilet paper, you realize you never went "TPing" in high school, and you always wondered what that would be like... to satisfy your own curiosity, you begin TPing the inside of your own house.

You Might Be A HauteMess If...

When you lose the remaining roll of TP by throwing it down a flight of stairs (see point 3 above re: how I felt about stairs this past Tuesday night), you get bored/lonely and decide to have an "artistic" photoshoot with the resident model of the house, Bitchy Little Rat Dog.  (she just looked so pretty at the time!)
 

You Might Be A HauteMess If...

While you already have your phone out, you decide it would be appropriate to text Homeboy from #Richpeopleproblems infamy a super embarrassing text message that ended with the phrase, "Trapeze -Brazil 2016."(it may have started with the phrase "What we had was so perfect, we should just leave it at that." Guesstimated Translation: "Don't talk to me again...until I compete in the Trapeze portion of the Brazil 2016 Olympics??" I don't know....I just don't know...)

You Might Be A HauteMess If...

The next morning, while parking at your local coffee shop to infuse some espresso into your severely dehydrated hungover body, you park behind your own personal worst nightmare.  You photograph it as a reminder that no matter how bad your head hurts, at least you don't have a vanity plate on a minivan.  

And no "If You Give A Mouse A Cookie..." story would be complete without coming full circle...I shall be asking for another bottle of wine tonight! Hopefully my hijinks tonight involve less blood, toilet paper, and embarrassing text messages, but it IS still August so who knows!!

2 comments:

  1. LMAO!!! I love this. I say celebrate and revel in "hautemess-ness" :) I haven't gone TP'ing in a long while either. This post brought me back to college. Thanks for that :)


    And your pup is super adorable!

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